This week,  I’ve taken a few vacation days(or staycation, rather!).   It’s been a couple of years since I’ve even been able to do that due to most of my PTO being used to make sure Preston’s medical needs are met.

Spending the last two days with Preston on his turf has really opened my eyes 👀.  Don’t get me wrong, Preston and I are inseparable, but when I’m off in the evenings and on the weekends…. we are on the go.  I’ve always felt guilty that he was stuck at home during the day  with not much interaction or a way to go. Not these last two days.

In an earlier blog, I talked about Preston overcoming some of his battles by focusing on the blessings that surround us daily.   I didn’t feel it necessary to give the ugly details that went on behind the scenes. And by not doing that, I offended some reader(s).  I don’t have a self righteous bone in my body and if I came across as having “cured” Preston, it certainly was not my intention.

I’ve seen Preston and God fight through a battle that not one of you can fully understand, just as I’ll never fully understand the battles of others.  I know our battle.  I know that Preston went to bed one night and woke up two months later with no recollection of anything that had happened to him.  He had to learn how to eat, swallow, and walk again.  He knew his family looked familiar…. but he couldn’t quite place us many times.  Imagine that? It took months to relearn our names.  He spent 2 months in an ICU unit fighting for his life. He spent 1 month in a inpatient rehab center and  another 9 months of intensive outpatient rehab.

When we got him home, he was still in a wheelchair and in diapers.   He had bedsores and double vision.  He couldn’t stand on his own, much less walk.  He couldn’t dress himself or brush his own teeth.  Those struggles don’t even touch the mental battles that we went through.  My faith was strong at this point….. becuase I saw the many miracles and God in it all.  I had so much to be thankful for.  And that’s where my grateful heart and attitude comes from.  I’ll praise Him all day, everyday!  That kept ME out of a depression. For Preston it was a whole different battle.  He didn’t see any of that  from his comatose state.  He says we went to bed a man and woke up 3 months later with his body broken and a war raging in his brain.

9 months into Preston’s recovery, he was still very robotic and expressionless in his emotions.  With the guidance of his wonderful Neurologist, we weaned  him off of some heavy duty psych meds that he was on.  We hoped it would eliminate these symptoms and help Preston in his recovery.   It did wonders in some areas and turned our lives into a nightmare in others.  We had glimpses of our old Preston.  He would now look you in the eyes and engage in conversation.  When life was good, it was wonderful. But it could go south really fast.  He couldn’t control his anger. He could throw tantrums that could make your 2 year old look like a saint.   The boys knew that when I gave them “the look”, they needed to leave the home.  I tried to protect them as much as I could. Let me strongly and firmly add that Preston has never laid a hand on any of us. We were never physically abused.  You’re just dealing with a 6’5, 260 pound out of control giant.  I could normally calm him.   After a rage session, Preston would beat himself up worse than any of us could.   And I can’t count the nights that I’ve cried myself to sleep from the sheer exhaustion of dealing with it.

In February of this year, Preston had to see a neuropsychiatrist.  She specializes in people like Preston.  We learned a lot.  I learned some coping skills on how to see these rages coming on.  I learned that I can’t change gears in him.  If I have told him that I’m taking him to the bank at 2:45 on a Friday afternoon, I can’t change that.  His mind no longer works like ours.  It has to be very methodical.  We were also devastated to learn that he has early, early onset dementia.  Apparently this is very common for people with his brain injury.   We learned that he has depression.  The most devastating thing we learned is that staying unmedicated was no longer an option for him.  He was back on psychotic medicine.  He had made me promise to keep him off of it after the last round.  I wasn’t upset that he had to go back on it.  I was upset that I couldn’t keep that promise to him.

In  April, he started a new medicine that controls the chemicals in his brain.  It’s actually a heavy duty medicine that people with manic depression and bi-polar diagnosis take.  It’s worked wonders so far.  I still have my old Preston without all the ugly by-products.  He’s plugged in. His laughter is often.  He’s my hero.  He’s back to reading his bible, and seeing what God’s purpose is for him. He’s fishing. He’s golfed.  He’s got a spunk back in his step.

And speaking of steps, Preston has turned into a FitBit junkie.  Spending the last two days has shown me that.  He has set a goal for himself of 10,000 steps a day(without his stick!).  The heat has kept him inside, but this warrior has paced the floors of our home methodically all day and has met his goal(I’m going to need new flooring  soon 🤗).  His 10,000 step goal reminded me of the Matt Redman song called “10,000 Reasons”. I think that Preston and I can both now think of  a reason to be thankful for every step my gentle giant takes.

10,000 Reasons

Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

[Verse 1]
The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

[Verse 2]
You’re rich in love and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness, I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name……

Until next time,

the beancounter