When I felt God calling me to share my life with others, I knew that He wanted me to be transparent and real.  That’s hard.  Sometimes my emotions and feelings are all over the place.  Today was a prime example.

March 15th is a big deadline and often stressful day in the accounting world. I don’t think it could have gone better today.  All of our extensions were filed with plenty of time to spare.  There was no last minute marathon to make it to the post office by the 5pm closing.

And then I went home.  And all it went down the tube fast.  My normally sweet husband  had  a meltdown. It doesn’t matter why.  All that matters is trying to calm him down and have peace back in the household.   It often leaves me absolutely drained.  Emotionally and physically.  I’d be lying if I told you that when it’s all calm again, that I haven’t spent many days with my head buried in hands crying out to God, “Why”?

I’m going to stop right here for a minute and explain something about my Preston first. He can’t help it.  He can’t control his emotions. The elevator version that you need to know is that my sweet Preston suffered a massive brain aneurysm in  late October 2015.  He’s a miracle that 100’s of people witnessed.  His brain shifted over 1/2 inch, which means he’s  supposed to be a vegetable, even requiring a ventilator.  God say “Watch This” and proceeded to defy every medical prognosis we were given.  For 8 days, we witnessed Preston’s miraculous recovery.  I still had my old Preston. Yes, he had a few bugs to work out but were well on our way. He was scheduled to enter a rehabilitation clinic the next day.  On that 8th day, Preston held my hand and sang “You are my sunshine” to me. He had always called me his “Sunshine” throughout our marriage.

On the 9th day, a nightmare began.  On Preston’s first night at the rehabilitation facility, Preston was found in the floor beside his bed.  He had fallen head first.  This sent us in another fight for his life.  That lasted for months.  And we still deal with the aftershocks daily.  Today’s meltdown being one of the many.

When I’m crying out “why” to God,  his answer is usually “why not, you?  What makes you any better than any of my other children that you think you shouldn’t have trials?”.  Whoa! Read that again.  And then he’ll remind me to focus on Him and remember the man that I married and how blessed I am. Remember the time Preston sang that song to me and what a great feeling it was.  Remember how he would always open the car door for me.   Chivalry still existed .   Remember the tender kisses and the weekend date nights. Remember the beautiful poetry that he would write . That’s my Preston.

Juat as it’s still my Preston that I share life with today.  Preston is and will always be the strongest man that I know.  He’s my hero.  He’s the one that has taught me to never give up.  Parts of him are trapped inside his mind, but he is still there and I mustn’t ever let him forget  how big of a hero he really is.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away